Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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