What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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