I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
