Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
