Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
