it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
