She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
