So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
