right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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