Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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