They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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