I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
