Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
