I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
