So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
