I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
