He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
