That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize