I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
