One girl and one boy is just not enough.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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