is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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