they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
