Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
