I feel like abortions should bother me more
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
