Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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