found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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