Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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