last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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