how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize