I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
