Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
and you fell through a lawn chair
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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