I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
