I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Randomize
