someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
