i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
