she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
