Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
