Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize