I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
So much rum. So many feels.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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