he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
