I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
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