He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
