i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
