I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
