i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
