I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
