You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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