Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
