census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
