I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
