We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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