Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
