hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
