it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
