you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
