went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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