i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
