i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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