I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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