boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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