my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
did i walk over a car last night?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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