we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
