help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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