We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
