We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
