hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
