if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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