i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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