Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
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