I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
