This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
