Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'm passing your future prison.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize