bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize