Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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