I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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