don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
