I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
