I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
