its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
