I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
