eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
