enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
