You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
