The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize