You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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