Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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