from now on my penis is your penis
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize