Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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