I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
