he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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